November 12th, 2013

Please, forget me. Let me slip away into the unknown. My routine was never comfortable, but it was the only life I knew. This has been disrupted, and I can no longer remember how to function. Without a king to rule, the kingdom collapses. Let me rest with him. Or, if he does not rest, let us explore the world behind the veil together.

With shame, I say that I want to die. There is no energy to plan. No words to write in the note I must leave behind. If it is possible to be happy again, I refuse its entrance. Give it to another who would appreciate it. Let the person fill their heart with it. A heart they would share more than I was ever willing.

Uncle Enrique is dying. How ungrateful I feel. I look to end what he hopes to extend. Every minute robs me of something. Take my failing eyes. Break my fingers in ten places. Pulse out a broken sexuality. Crush dreams I held for too long.

No, I cannot do this. Death has taken my hellhound. It has taken the mother I knew in aunt Arminda. It has taken my gentle Americo. Now, it wants to take the father I knew in uncle Enrique, and so easily I would hand myself over to it? Be steady, Elizabeth. Do not be taken by the storm.

November 12th, 2013

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