May 23rd, 2013

A migraine tugs at my attention, so I write through the curtain of pain while I can. My schedule is tight, allowing for only a few moments to engage in anything that is not an obligation.

As predicted, I met a man at the Victim’s Assistance Training. Immediately, I found the sight of him repulsive. It isn’t that he is unattractive; it is that his personality is artificial. As is always the case, he picked up on this, and found himself intrigued by the challenge. His name is Ernesto, and he is only completing the program so that it looks good on his resume. Most of his free time is spent doing community work. This has nothing to do with goodness, compassion, or selflessness. He is a man hoping to excel in the world of politics, and one is looked upon as a saint when they help those less fortunate. He has admitted to feeling disgust for the people he hopes to serve. I am astonished at how blind those that surround him are to his judgments. I have yet to come across someone that doesn’t find him charismatic, honest, and sincere. They are easily fooled by an unnaturally attractive man with a Colgate smile, and the perfect thing to say.

Before we even shared our first kiss, he found himself frustrated by how little attention I was giving him. This drove him to drink excessively one night, which worried me. Among the first things he shared, was that he was a recovering alcoholic. However, my concern quickly morphed into exasperation, after he slurred that I was impossible to reach. He screamed at me to let him demonstrate the affection he felt for me. He continued saying things that were difficult to comprehend. I patiently listened, then told him I would not be spoken to in that manner again. I soon forgave him, after remembering that when his car was broken into, I was the first to run to his side, just to laugh at his misfortune. We are two assholes looking for company, and there is nothing wrong with that. And, really, how many men would let me take them to cemeteries after midnight, just so I can talk to them about Satan?

May 23rd, 2013

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