January 7th, 2013

I am waiting on permission to do something I have yet to determine. Who would, or should, give me this license, I do not know; only that I shouldn’t require such a thing from anyone but myself. My authority is no longer enough, since it never propelled me forward, or kept me strictly on the wire. Some rigidity is necessary to see a plan through. But I am undisciplined, and would only complete a task to keep from disappointing an audience of any size.

It is a small death to want a thing so much, and know it has nothing to give to you. Then, your desires collide against a great wall. Then, you know that every effort you could make to pull it in, would be futile, would be looked upon with pity. Still, I might take such leaps for a hope that heats like sunshiny rays of life. I am persistent, I am blind. I am tenacious, I am a clumsy imbecile.

I have a few halves of sleep. I have an heirloom tomato seed in my stomach. I have a thimble full of a poltergeist’s ectoplasm keeping me hydrated. Somewhat supported, still I am not heard. Or if heard, not seen. I shouldn’t have kissed so many men. One was bound to fall for me. I shouldn’t have kissed so many men. I was bound to fall for one.

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January 7th, 2013

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