The fatigue is about more than lack of sleep. Resting does nothing, but shut out external reality. In an effort to find what could possibly be wrong with me this time, I reached out to Justin, the Virgin of the Sea. Perhaps, there is something in my past craving attention, and is attempting to get it by draining me of all energy. I wanted to ask him what he believed I should change about myself. I wanted to know about the more difficult parts of my personality.
I had to be careful in approaching my old friend. His opinion of me, is not favorable. It was going to be difficult to separate honesty, from the need to hurt me, as a way to even the score. The demise of this long-distance communication, came as a result of my reluctance to evolve whatever we had into an actual meeting, and eventual romantic relationship. In this, I was not kind. In fact, I did not treat him with respect often. Justin did not care to forgive, or forget this.
Things went as expected. He attacked my dietary preference, made from a moral standpoint. Vegans are foolish, he said. He ridiculed my taste in music. He argued that cats are superior to dogs, especially one as large as my own. And don’t I know that they smell terrible. He said he still found me beautiful, and was shocked to find that I had not gained enough weight to have me trapped in my own house. The conversation, in its entirety, was a badly written, prime-time comedy show.
There is nothing to learn from someone I have outgrown.