I am only hours away from having the pregnancy terminated. There are many things I thought I would do in life. Japan would be my home, for no other reason that it is easy to covet the exotic. I would read enough books to fill a library, that would rival the Library of Congress. Through meditation, I would develop the ability to bring back the departed. Of course, I was meant to live out something far more ordinary.
In many ways, my body is already rejecting this child. Like me, it is a savage. It craves things that go against my morality. Though I gave up meat long ago, this child wants it. I do not challenge her desires. While I can, I will give her what she wants. It is guilt, I know this.
Cory is now suicidal, or he presents this as a new development. I am trying to be understanding, but find that I can’t even understand myself. Even if I could find the words that would bring him comfort, he refuses any contact with me.