I find myself in a somber state, brought upon by being uprooted from routine, and thrown into frenzied activity. Cory says that he is glad to have me in his life, and so I hold him tight, silencing my own reservations. He is there to fill a space that has led to feelings of loneliness. I replace my sharp tongue, with one made of velvet.
I was not, am not, prepared for this. A charge at full-speed, moving toward a relationship I never wanted. I busy myself, to avoid him. If there is time that one would call free, I give it away to one organization or another. This week has seen me at Brighter Christmas events, in which I met a woman named Billie, who remarked that I would make a wonderful mother, should I choose to have children in the future. I smiled politely, and told her that I would think about it, because it’s what she needed to hear.
The low-grade hum I hear in the mornings, is starting to drive me insane. It is the flapping of a thousand small wings. It is the harmony of a band of frustrated men, releasing it all in unison.