July 31st, Year of Silence

There is no legitimate union without love. Love does not guarantee a union. I am proof of that. My every limb curls around the devotion I feel for Matthew, yet I am alone. There is space waiting to be filled, and the absence of a lover I wish to have, only makes it grow. The persistence of silence would tell anyone to murder what can have no true and dignified life. Unfortunately, at the epicenter of every fantasy that has existed, is hope.

Early in the evening, I met up with an old friend. Tamara, beautiful with weightless steps. Gliding through life with no care, and a sad collection of worthless lovers. A woman who has repeatedly declared her love for me. On several occasions, we have kissed, after I found that it is more difficult for me to reject a woman than a man. Though I feel no desire for her, I cannot stand to say I do not love, hoping instead that an obvious truth will speak for me.

While at a bar known for women on the hunt for their third husbands, and meth-addicted bikers, I ran into some of Robert’s friends. I was glad that I was not alone, and with a woman of great beauty. Their numbers were larger than my two, and that gave them the courage to eye me with scorn. But I would not give them the pleasure of seeing me affected by their behavior. Instead, I walked over with drinks I had purchased for them and sat down, without waiting for an invitation that would never be extended. They looked at one another, at a loss as to what to do. I smiled, quickly initiating conversation. They continued to look at each other, hoping someone would gather the courage to tell me to leave. I turned to Michael. A man I had known the least, but his height alone was reason enough for people to blindly follow him.

“You look amazing. What have you been doing with yourself?”

He was more than happy to tell me about his career, his girlfriend, his theories on how the world would end. And just like that, we saw that enemy lines had been created by a man, who should have never been given that power.

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July 31st, Year of Silence

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