It is far too easy to get used to someone sleeping next to you in bed. This can happen once, and that is enough to miss the warmth and the shape. No amount of time can diminish the need for that.
My memories are slowly fading, since I have gone through them so many times, and have not made new ones. It is a book that has been read faithfully and repeatedly. There is pain, or there is nothing. There is a reaction, then comes the collapse. It folds in on itself, and you cannot depend on it to hold your weight.
Each time I say there will be changes made in the way I view and approach life, it is with less conviction. Perhaps that is why I have never said those words out loud to anyone. Those declarations are for the walls to absorb. Those intentions, much the same.
The moon is large. The world is round. Ocean waters are deep. There are so many things one can count on, but never me. I am here to stand on the left, under the shade. Let the cold rain fill me with sickness and aches. Let it all go dark. Do not speak to me. Do not touch me. I have not learned what to do with such attentions. I will only pull away at it and break it.