January 3rd, Year of Silence

Be reasonable, Joseph pleads, after one of our all too common arguments. I think, I’ve never been reasonable, only full of excuses that I claim are reasons. I know that he is not one to use logic or reason, either. But one always wants more than they can provide. One always hopes that those they have chosen to be a part of their life, are better people than one is capable of being.

This unreasonable request to be reasonable, is asked of me as he is high on some drug, or many. I don’t expect much from him anymore, so this doesn’t cause me shock or disappointment. However, this does aggravate me, as communicating with someone who lacks mental clarity, is a waste of my time. By his own admission, he is happy to steal my focus from any activity that is healthy and productive. He is happy to test my patience, and provide me with a dose of misery.

Not wanting to spend what little energy I had, in attempting to defeat a monster who would only resurrect again, I asked him to read to me in bed. He agreed and picked “The Raven,” by Edgar Allan Poe. As he pronounced each word slowly and with great difficulty, I wondered how I had never noticed that he was not only vulgar, but stupid.

So that he would stop reading, I pretended to fall asleep. Soon after, he stretched out his body next to mine, and closed his eyes. His heart struggled to beat next to my ear. Sometimes it gurgled. Sometimes it raced, then quickly slowed down. And I thought, oh, his heart is also stupid.
His body twitched and jerked, as if his soul was attempting a great escape. I try to do the same.

January 3rd, Year of Silence

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