I have been plagued with nightmares since the man asked that we solidify our relationship. I don’t understand why we must always cage everything. Things are not allowed to exist independent of a guiding hand. Fragile things are easily crushed.
I want to love without exigencies.
Everything is connected by a thread, or a fateful purpose. It is with this thought in mind, that I attempt to look at the fears that challenge me with a degree of objectivity. Commitment feels like a curse, slowly darkening the sky until every star falls from it. I look for a way to invoke the sun. I can crawl out of the pit I jumped into, knowing the enemy has retired, and it is safe to come out. I can do many things that I have refused to do, hoping someone would come along and do them for me.
This man will not stand next to me for long. I will wear him out before I gain insight enough to make permanent changes, to the way I relate to men. This is not the point. He is not the point.