To receive what has remained on the top shelf, would mean an end to a sense of unjust deprivation. It is that very sense that fuels me. Without it, the world I recognize would meet its demise.
The focus has been on negation. It has been on absolute lack of the basic emotional necessities, and at times, physical necessities.
If the grass grew green, with their blades strong. If the house was built upon a stable foundation. If the skies remained clear, with only the brightest stars mapping it out. Would I know how to function here, or would I write myself out, without the struggle to guide me?
I think of leaving everything I know behind, but this is not yet an option that is open to me. I have so little money, that even a starving man would reject my charity. To them I would say, feel no pity for me because, oh you see, I am rich with emotion. And if that were not enough to inspire feelings of envy, I have cats. Creatures I distrust and dislike, but cannot help but feel sorry for when they show up on my doorstep, filthy and starving. Cats.