Where did you put your dignity, bitch?
Those are the only words I used to reply to Joseph, who once again wrote me. There was no further comment on his absence, only that through the pain of my constant rejection, he moved so far past me and straight into developing feeling for his past lover.
Now, I welcome his distance and fear his return. The space is once again all my own. There is room for movement. All sounds are coming from me. I produce the rhythm. I create the lines that often do not meet to form a shape.
My introduction to self-love came through the rejection I faced from everyone I felt I needed. There was no expression of validation, only absolute negation. There were no partnerships, only my desperate attempts to maintain the strength necessary to carry two.