December 2nd, Year 22

Time loses importance, when the person standing next to me is insignificant. The minutes die as they are born. Ruey sighs, and it is as if he is frustrated with me. He has heard this, seen this, and was never amused by it. Another man in my life, another brief chapter, another error that will take months to correct.

Earlier in the evening, I gave Joseph a small pouch that contained quartz crystals. I asked him to keep it near him always, because they would protect him. I never stopped to consider who would protect me from the harm I do myself.

The crystals were not meant to shield him from evil forces, but to weigh him down. To keep him from running the way he does, when he has grown weary of my lunacy.

 
Only moments after he received the pouch from me, I asked him to leave me alone. It is like me to never settle on one feeling, long enough to work through it. I lust after him, but grow cold when he touches me. I want to study his composition, but conveniently lose my hours in other endeavors. I reach for his hand to clasp it to mine, but push him away as I feel fingers curling around my palm.

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December 2nd, Year 22

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