I continue to fight off a desire for Matthew. I have destroyed so many things, yet cannot seem to bring myself to harm this. I feel that if he should lose his eyes, in one of those accidents that befalls reclusive uncles that live in Oklahoma, I would give him mine, and hope they serve him better than they ever did me. If he should lose his heart, I would feel enough for us both. And if he should lose his mind, I would tell him often that it is better to live without it.
How am I expected to suffocate this? Because I can see everything that would go wrong. It is cold and unsteady where I stand, and cannot support the weight of another.
I can say ‘goodbye’ in many languages, and at many volumes, so why am I silent?