March 31st, Year of Taurus

I have not written a word in many days, but have lived much. All of it, in lands created by an ever-turning mind. Up turns to down, down to up. The sky is blue, because it is the ocean. Sharks have eaten the moon. It is my mother; she possesses the sharpest teeth. There she is, a few feet away from me, breathing calmly, proud of herself when she should be slowly dissolved into nothing by her own remorse. But she is incapable of feeling anything that would make her human. The Aquarius way.

How did it all start? In having a beginning, it must have an ending. Or, it is a snake that will eat its own tail, becoming circular in the process.

I will kill you, because you are pathetic. I always knew you were useless, but not to this extent. Words my mother pronounced with such facility and speed, you would think she had been waiting a lifetime to spit them out at me.

The layers continue to fall away to reveal her true nature. They are stripped, as if melted by acid. It isn’t only father that was born a monster. Mother was, too. Then it is in my blood. It is what I am. Something within me rejects this, and attempts to morph into a different creature. One without fangs. There is no use. I am spiraling downwards, without a place to land that wouldn’t break every bone in my body. It is my fate that things should be this way. That I should be no more than I am, my value or lot never to increase with time, or bribe.

I am evil. Stitched together that way. It is all so that no one gets close enough to know what life has done, and my attempts at correcting it have failed miserably. I do not need ridicule, or pity, or help, or empathy. The darkness is better. Then nothing is known. All can be denied. And if I choose to be honest, then I can speak without reservation, never coming forward as the woman who spoke the words, because the curtains conceal my frame. Yet, it was in the darkness that the crimes were done. It is in the darkness that I feel the most fear. How can one thing become so powerfully many contradictory things?

There is no candle to light in good faith, when fire attracts unwanted attention, which has already been given enough. It isn’t wise, it isn’t prudent.

The Dream King is attracted to fragile women. He creates beautiful dreams for them. We wake up, desperate to find the things we have seen in our sleep, but they are not real. This he does so that you stay by his side. I want to stay by his side. His lands are better than mine.

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March 31st, Year of Taurus

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