February 9th, Year of Taurus

Up in the sky, there was a vapor trail, left behind by some aeroplane, or another. Nothing impressive, nothing that would cause anyone to worry but me. It was a white snake, meant to eat me in one bite. It was a thief, who likes to steal what little peace I gather with considerable effort.

In the early evening, that nothing in the sky paired up with the sun, in order to play tricks on me, on a larger scale than it could alone. Something about that massive star was off, was in disguise. Without being able to identify what it was, once again, the panic overtook me. When I collected myself enough to show someone, so that perhaps they could help me figure out why and where it all seemed wrong, the sun changed back to the way it has always been, or at least since I have existed. The vapor trail had vanished.

Perhaps, it is best to not look directly at the sun, but then how will I go blind?

With all the emotion pushing me off the line, I had no choice but to call my mother, to ask if she would drive me to work. Reduced to feeling like a child, when all I want to be is oh-so-very grown-up. Then, everyone can point at me and say things like: look at that wonderfully grown-up woman over there. It’s simply unbelievable how grown-up she is. Really, she should write a book about it. I would read it. Of course, I would. Although she graduated high school but a breath ago, you wouldn’t know it with how grown-up she is.

As my mother drove in my stead, the panic returned. I had to ask her to pull over, so that I could gather my sane bits, or any sane bits I could find on the sidewalk. Losing my grip on reality, I began to feel dead, as often occurs with me. I yelled at my mother, for whatever reason I could invent.
I cannot stand myself any longer. No one can. They may not say it, but silence reveals much.

Courage? Are you there? Can you come out and play? You don’t even have to stick around, if you don’t want to. Just stay for a minute. You can tell me stories, and put me to bed. Maybe just show me that you exist. That you are real.

February 9th, Year of Taurus

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