Jeremy is touring with his band, and will be playing at a venue in town, very soon. It has been too long since we last saw one another. I plan on attending that show.
I have not forgotten Richard, nor have I forgotten the pain he caused me. I would like to say that my affection for him has died, or mysteriously vanished, most likely in an abduction from a kind and invisible source. This is untrue.
There was something soft and accessible about Jeremy, that instantly appealed to me. I think I need to be near that again, to remember that it does, in fact, exist.
I am attending Jeremy’s show with Josh, who cannot be shaken off. He tries and I tire. We are not a romantic item. He asks me to spend the night at his home often, as he moved away to another city. It isn’t far. As a matter of fact, it is too close. I do not like to be liked by those I do not like. Because I know his pain better that I thought I ever would, I stay the night with him on occasion. When it is time to sleep, I do so in his bed, separated from him by a wall of pillows. I feel disgust, but cannot give a reason for this. He watches me sleep, when he thinks it’s what I am doing. Slowly, he removes each pillow just to reach over, and touch my face. Josh loves me as I wished to be loved by Richard.